11 Signs your Boss has a Crush on you – How best to Deal with it

Introduction

Has your boss been very flattering to you lately? Does he/she look longer and more often at you than normally? Does he/she send you messages during the weekend? Does he/she laugh at all your jokes – even the bad ones? If you are reading this and really say yes, then there is a big chance that your boss has feelings for you.

It can be very tricky to find out if your boss has feelings for you or if he or she is just being nice to you because he likes you. Any misinterpretation can end in an embarrassing situation or even loss of a job for both parties. It is good to investigate whether it is a serious crush, because it could mean huge negative consequences for your work. You want to do something about it before things really get out of hand. In order to avoid disaster I am giving you 11 signs your boss has a crush on you and will go on how to best deal with such a situation.

1. Your opinion suddenly is important

This may indicate that your boss just trusts you as an employee, but if he or she asks for your opinion about personal matters (think of: clothing choice, dating) this can be a sign. Asking questions about your love life can be innocent, but it can also be a tactical move to tell what he or she really feels for you.

2. Flirting

Your boss is flirting with you, but do not jump to conclusions just yet. Is it happening all the time? Does he communicate to others in the same way? And also take a look at your own actions. Did you happen to flirt with that person before? If you are sure that you are the only one and it is not because of your own behaviour, then this is a strong indication that he or she has a crush on you.

3. Give you preference

Bosses in love may give you better projects, more guidance than colleagues, take you out of lunch more often, offer flexible hours, be lax about your mistakes or take a different approach. Sounds good right? For you maybe in the short term only. In the long term giving preference to one of the team does not only lead to a disgruntled team, it also creates hostility between the various employees.

4. Too confidential

Does your boss share work-related and personal matters with you? Things he/she would not share with someone else’s office? It may be that he/she does this because he trusts you, but it can also be because he/she wants to further develop his relationship with you.

5. You have a premonition

Yes, of course, you might think now, this was exactly why you were going to read this article. You know your boss for sometime now, but something changed between you in the past few weeks that you cannot yet pin down to what it really is.  In these cases it is always best to go with your feelings or your intuition.

6. One-on-one meetings

On more than one occasion you get the question of working on a project outside working hours. If you see a pattern in the fact that the consultation is always with you alone and meetings always start late, then there may be more to it. If you feel uncomfortable here and you continue to respond to these requests, it will only makes things worse.

7. Changed  looks

A new outfit, new hairstyle or other detail may indicate that a boss is trying to get someone’s attention. Could be a midlife crisis, but if he or she is not of that age, chances are it’s because of you.

8. Playful bullying 

Of course, this may mean that your boss just does not like you. But if he is constantly busy with playful bullying, it can be his way of flirting. Or a way to cover up his admiration.

9. Compliments on private matters

If you continuously receive compliments that have nothing to do with work or feel a bit inappropriate, your boss may see you as more than just a friend. Especially compliments about your appearance, clothing or personality are a strong indication. If you hear her or him say that anyone who dates you is a lucky person, this is a sure sign.

10. Physical contact

Some people are just suckers for close contact, but do you have the idea that your boss seizes every opportunity to hold you or give you a hug? Then that says something.

11. Boss remembers everything you do

This can feel a bit uncomfortable. Does your boss seem to remember everything you say – while he is normally quite forgetful – then this shows that he is paying extra attention to you. People remember a lot more details of conversations with people they have a crush on. Partly because they are obsessed with these details, and because they are curious about whether you are interested.

If you recognise a lot of the signs mentioned above then you should take some action in order to avoid real problems. 

How to deal with this effectively

Short answer: you’ve got to let the person know, while protecting your position at the same time. If you do nothing, you may become a target of gossip, and the situation may well get worse. If your boss pursues you relentlessly, you may even be forced to file an official complaint with HR, or you consult an attorney. 

Fortunately, there are diplomatic and effective measures you can take early on to put a stop to most unwanted flirtations, but one word of caution: make sure you don’t overreact. There are always people at work who are chatty or extra appreciative to everyone. Use your emotional intelligence to read your boss’s true intentions.

Every expert agrees agrees that these situations should not fester for too long, but should be nipped in the bud as quickly as possible. So, meet with your boss, do so in a neutral setting away from all distractions and colleagues and have an honest discussion about your feelings. Don’t accuse your boss of anything — simply express your concerns, and how it’s making you feel.

Keep the tone and conversation positive by stressing how much you respect you have for your boss, how much you enjoy your work, and how you don’t want anything to inadvertently get in the way of your professional development. Ask your boss if there is anything you can do to make sure the relationship stays 100% professional and respectful.

Final thoughts

In case you decide you do want to pursue a relationship with your boss, just know that you will do so at your own risk.  According to a survey 16% of those who have had a romance at work have dated a supervisor. You could go for it and end up dating discreetly; falling in love; leaving the company for the sake of the relationship; and living happily ever after. But be aware that the chances of that happening are slim. Studies have found that only a third of office romances end in marriage.

But, if out of a couple of billions of people on the planet, your boss is the only one you want to date, still move cautiously. If you don’t get along, you’ve got a lose-lose situation, losing your job and partner. Your boss has the stronger position and could determine your future, and if things go south, your job will be at stake.

Another way out

There is of course a definite way out, changing companies or becoming your own boss. Having your own business might be the best option here, so as to avoid a repeat of a bad working situation. With the right support anyone can become a successful internet entrepreneur. Wealthy Affiliate would be the number one choice, for all the reasons I am explaining in my full review here.

If you have any questions, please leave them in the comment box and I will reply within 24 hours.

6 Replies to “11 Signs your Boss has a Crush on you – How best to Deal with it”

  1. I have been working at this company for over 7 months now and I feel like my boss is hitting on me, and this is something I feel in my gut strongly about. Since the interview, the way he way he has been looking at me and the way his body language change when he’s around me is different then when he’s around other people. Recently I went to his office about a joke he was making in front of me that offended a lot of people, including me and told him what he said the other day was unacceptable and it upset a lot of people, including myself. After that day, he has been giving his employees such a hard time at work, but more towards me. He has been nasty towards me ever since I had that talk with him about a week ago. He has started to criticize the way I work and doesn’t even talk to me now, only to criticize me and make me feel uncomfortable at my job. I don’t know what I have to do in this situation. I feel trapped and that there seems to be no end in sight.

    1. You are in an unfortunate and precarious situation right now. I do not know what kind of ‘joke’ he made, but I think you were brave and right to confront him on that. I just hope that you did it business like and and without too much emotion. However, the outcome is clearly undesirable. The first thing to do is reflect on what you told him and how you told him. If you think this was right, then he is just another ass hole. If you think you could have done better, go to him apologise for any misunderstandings, tell him you want the best for the company and see how this works out. Mind you, he might feel that you and the staff are conspiring against him and a new conversation might take that away as well.
      If this would not work you can also contact HR, but I should warn you this is tricky as HR will almost always side with management.
      You have not spoken about personal feelings towards your boss and I also do not know if he is still married. If he is, stay out of it, at all times. If he is not married, has feelings for and you for him, it is strongly advisable not to get engaged as boss and employee, which means you would have to change jobs/companies.
      Anyway, you are right to do something about this situation, before it really gets out of hand. Good luck!

  2. I’ve been working at a company for a year now and my boss has been good to me, he’s always having a serious face but lightens up most times when I enter the office. He’s made me the captain of my team and he’s always asking me for new ideas. I always do my best to accomplish the tasks he gives to me. I started liking him and especially noticing how he’s not usually friendly with other staff members and I kept it cool around him. One day, one manager who is close to him, told me that the boss likes me so much and in my heart I was happy and I told him I like the boss too.

    So since then , nothing personal has happened between him and I, he’ll normally refer other employees to me for guidance or grooming. He normally compliments me in my absence and acts shy around me, or he’ll have a serious face when I show up and avoid looking in my eyes.
    He gives me freedom to manage my job and decision power.

    I’ve been secretly liking him and I don’t know how to deal with this situation, I’m even considering looking for another job because I’m developing feelings for him. What should I do?

    1. So far you have been in a very favourable situation. I take it that your colleagues notice this also and that they are not envious of you. However, this is something that sooner or later will get out of hand. I know one thing for sure: if he is already married, then you should stay away from him and possibly keep the situation as it is and no more. If he is not and you develop a relationship, it is surely going to affect business adversely. Imagine you getting favourable treatment from the boss, your colleagues might call it nepotism. If you really have these feelings for him then you are well advised to find another work environment, that is if your are sure your feelings are returned!

  3. Thanks for the great article. As you say the situation you describe is a dangerous one. I agree with you, even if you actually like your boss and a relationship starts, it hardly ever ends happily.
    Many people in relationships at work face losing their job. Only thing is, it’s not the boss who loses his job!!!

    1. Exactly right and this is why I wrote this article offering support to the ‘victims’. As recognizing the problem is half the solution, I listed the signs. The next important thing is not to let it go too far. Action from your side is necessary in order to avoid worse.

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