Everyone has to deal with them in the office, the mockers, the windbags and the stragglers. The big question is: how do you get rid of them? How-to-do-normal? Experts confirm that with a little empathy, you get the furthest. You need to show understanding for the vulnerable side, but clearly state your limits at the same time.
You want to work and a colleague just keeps on complaining about his/her own troubles. Or you notice that another colleague has not done his/her part of the work and that you have to finish it. If your supervisor also sets unattainable deadlines, it can sometimes become too much for you and you will keep grinding about what is being done to you. How do you ensure that you do not fall victim to this kind of behavior of annoying colleagues? How can you handle it smarter?
First I will name the different types and then describe how to deal with the three main types of annoying colleagues. At the end I will give you another perfect solution to your problems. You will become an affiliate marketer.
Types of annoying colleagues
Like so often with things that bother you, dealing with difficult people is about recognizing and parrying. There is a handy book for recognizing difficult types: “How do I survive difficult people” from psychotherapist Jörg Berger. He distinguishes seven: dominant, negative and vengeful types, mockers, windbags, stragglers and dodgers.
Recognizing the type
The types are described with a great sense of the deficiency that lies behind their irritating behavior. An attitude that is not immediately obvious. Not with me in any case. With difficult types I often have something of back-off-and-do-normal. Or, if that doesn’t work, and that’s usually the case, then I’d rather avoid them. But here a different approach is taken and there is something to be said for that. Anyway, the first order of business is to recognize the type. You can go a long way if you are able to distinguish these three main types: the mocker, the windbag and the straggler. Here are the characteristics of each of these offenders and how to deal with them.
The mocker is someone who asks you a lot, who wants you to make an exception for him, that you do some extras for him, such as doing a job on the weekend or standing in for him, making an exception for him. He has been talking too long in meetings and he is bothering you with unsolicited advice. If you dare to say something about it, this kind of person will feel hurt, as if you do not acknowledge him, or plague him, or reject him. With such a person you easily get into a power struggle over who is in charge. You only win if you have the support of colleagues. Maybe there will be no one, because mockers are also charming and friendly and masters in the divide and rule strategy.
It is advised not to respond to the annoying behavior of difficult people, but to the pain that is hidden behind that behavior. He does that with a lot of compassion for the hidden suffering. How far you go with that is up to you. But anyway it is a good idea to ask notoriously difficult people what issue is hidden behind their irritating behavior. For the mocker, that is the following problem.
This kind of person in essence always feels deficient and therefore always requires extra attention. Do not blame him, do not say that the other makes unreasonable demands, but keep it to yourself. Say that you have to think about a proposal, that you will come back to it. Also give the reason why you do not want to comment on something, for example that it is too much for you at the moment.
A very different type than the person who crosses the border is the windbag or loudmouth: not someone you go and ask for, but someone who raises himself, and gives the impression of meaning a lot. That usually includes a lot of bluff, and these are often people who have something to do with it, even though they present themselves better than they are. You will find them mainly in the social sector and in leadership positions. They do not like to admit that they have done something wrong. If something goes wrong, it depends on someone else or the circumstances. What they never do is admit that they are wrong or have done anything wrong. They don’t do what they promise, they present things differently than they are.
The silent grief of the windbag is the fear of you not reacting to anything. That pain is overshadowed by the bluffer’s foe. You are advised not to invest any time or money in the plans of the loudmouths. Also make sure you don’t get the blame for things that windbags didn’t do well. If your director shifts the blame on you every time he does not keep a promise, make sure that you also always confirm by e-mail that, for example, a result cannot be achieved. Be generous on the other hand with compliments about the things that are going well.
Energy wasters are people who can talk about their own problems for a long time and who always ask you for advice on what they should do. They are like children in the body of an adult. They still need a mentor with a listening ear, someone who takes over the responsibility from them. And when they make a decision themselves, they look for confirmation that what they are doing is right.
Stragglers can give you the feeling that you are failing if you do not respond to their needs. If the energy waster finds that she is not getting enough attention, she responds by criticizing everything.
The pain of stragglers is a feeling of helplessness. In their youth they have experienced too little support from their parents. It doesn’t hurt to give the requested support within the reasonable amount of energy wasted. But it is up to you indicate your limits. Tell how much time you have available for this person and address it on its adult side.
The common denominator in the above story is that, however difficult, you should generate some empathy for annoying colleagues. The safer the issue feels, the less need there is for deviant behavior. Show understanding for the vulnerable side, but set your limits.
Humor also sometimes works. I have further described this in an article which can be accessed by clicking here.
Give an unexpected answer once in a while. For example, if someone says that you have a bad taste, say, for example: do you have an umbrella with you, it may be raining later.
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