Funny David Brent quotes and how They will help Office workers

Introduction

British comedian Ricky Gervais performs his fun all over the world and has British comedydone so for a long time. Once he performed the lead role in a British comedy called the Office, a US spin-off does exist. Time for some tips from his alter ego, office manager David Brent. What can you learn from David Brent, the worst office manager ever? He was narcissistic, sexist, homophobic and in short showed all the bad habits that a bad manager can have. Apart from being bad, he was also funny at times and here is a selection from David Brent quotes and how they can help you, the office worker.

1. A chef is a chef, and only then a friend.

“I suppose I created an atmosphere where I am a friend first and a boss second. Probably an entertainer third.”

The department shown in The Office series is a chaotic and dysfunctional workplace, with unmotivated staff and a manager who radiates no discipline or authority. That is because Brent is unable to draw professional boundaries and because he constantly wants to be the most popular boy on the job. Friendly relationships between employees are good for the atmosphere, but every now and then a manager has to put things right with a firm hand. If he or she is not, then things will go pear shaped, employee moral will be down as will the productivity.

2. No rainbow without rain.

“If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain.” Do you know which “philosopher” said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she’s just a pair of tits.”good quote

Brent never gets tired of emphasizing how hard he is sometimes, but that he nevertheless always sees a light shining on the horizon. Signal for the staff to admire him for his cool determination. But a chef fishing for compliments only makes an uncertain impression. And indeed, no rainbow without rain. Therefore you should survive the misery together and then celebrate the success at a suitable place. Remember: “Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.” This is very much true as shit will happen!

3. No betrayal without trust.

“You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.”

Brent sees himself first and foremost as an entertainer, and only then as an office manager. He hopes that he can gain the trust of his staff in this way. Handy, because then you can take all sorts of thankless measures, without them realizing that you are responsible for them. This consensus model prevails in many workplaces in the west. So as a chef you have to gain trust and offer a listening ear before you can take radical measures. 

So, be aware if a chef suddenly comes to close to you, seems to be happy with everybody, because it might be he is on to something nasty.

4. Don’t be careful with the truth.

“If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess you’re trying to get them sacked.”

The first volume of The Office revolves around a dismissal round and how careful with truthBrent deals with it. His staff feel that misery is coming – why do executives keep coming to Brent? – but he denies high and low that there are problems. Instead of increasing confidence, he increases the uncertainty, gossip and backlash of his employees, causing productivity to collapse. Don’t be careful with the truth, no matter how unpleasant.

“Well, there’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that Neil will be taking over both branches, and some of you will lose your jobs. Those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon, if you want to stay. I know, gutting. On a more positive note, the good news is, I’ve been promoted. So, every cloud … You’re still thinking about the bad news, aren’t you? “

5. Ambition sucks.

“Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can’t do.”

Millenials sigh under the yoke of ambition. The pre-midlife crises are flying around you. Women who opt for part-time jobs are accused of adversely affecting the gender balance at the top. Not necessary at all, says Brent. We know our limitations deep in our hearts. Why bother for a job that you know you can’t do? There is much truth in this, as in taking a job which pays more but is out of your league, sooner or later you will become very miserable.

6. Wait for somebody else to step in

“Never do today that will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow.”

Brent considers himself the best in office politics. The more tasks you perform yourself, the more things can go wrong. As a manager, don’t you have staff for do the hard work that? Leave it for a day, see what happens. Under the motto “nobody is indispensable” it is very healthy for your department that someone else spontaneously takes over your task. Does that sound too black? 

Yes very black, but I have seen it happen before. Someone takes on the job and then will take the fall for it. The chef will always have someone to blame.

7. Make sure your staff is motivated, loyal and involved.

“My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. It was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went ‘ Brent, will you be the Godfather to my child? ” Didn’t happen in the end. We had to let him go, he was rubbish. He really was rubbish.”

The least motivated employee of the paper company from The Office must have been Tim Canterbury. And yet Brent lets him go his way. A good manager responds immediately, investigates what the problem is and tries to solve it. Gentle doctors make smelly wounds. Either you give Tim other responsibilities, or you are looking for someone else for that position. And you give Greek newcomers a fair chance, or you dump them right away.

8. Cover your tracks.

“If at first you don’t succeed, remove all evidence you’ve ever tried.”

It’s okay that you fail. Just make sure nobody finds out. Blame a colleague or destroy all the evidence that you were doing it. Invest in a hacker course so that you can erase all traces on the business system. Also useful if you are looking for compromising information about the CEO or CFO.

Here he really hits rock bottom, doesn’t he? Stay away from a guy like this at all times!

9. Choose the brains, not the looks.

“Avoid employing unlucky people – throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.”

Brent is looking for a new personal assistant. When the gorgeous Karen applies, Brent clearly shows that he finds her very attractive, and constantly flirts during the interview. Karin’s male counter candidate is chance-less. This sexist application process is obviously not the best for getting the right person for the department.

10. Breakfast most important meal of the day

 

“If you’re going to be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes – make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.”

Everybody knows or should know: breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And that kale smoothie and buckwheat pancake take time (Brent likes sausage, black pudding and eggs). So no rush, no rushing children to school, no oatmeal stain behind the right ear: enjoy and have a moment for you and your loved ones.

I agree about breakfast, but not in as being the reason for coming late to work. Of course no boss is ever going to accept such an excuse.

Final thoughts

If you ever encounter a boss, supervisor or chef with any of the treats like David Brent, then you know for sure that you and the company are in trouble. Probably both.

Yes, this was comedy and as such an exaggeration of daily practices in the normal work place, haven’t we all seen a guy like David Brent? If not, sooner or later it will happen to you.

This is exactly why everybody with a job and bosses should have an escape route, an alternative to fall back on, when things go sour. A route which you can start today, do in your own time and pace next to the job you are having.

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What to Do when You become Unemployed?

Introduction

Everyone gets fired at one time or another and I bet you have been too. That’s just the way things work today, as the days of longtime employment have gone. Being what we are, people handle these unfortunate situations quite differently. There are those ones that when they lose their job, they sell their accomplishments, successes and positive results to potential when you become unemployedemployers. Confident people take the view, “It’s my boss’s company, not mine; the manager gets to make his own decisions. I get to make my own decisions, and it’s my decision to bring myself and my personality to work. If my boss doesn’t like it, he can fire me.” In other words they will always focus on doing something positive.

And then there are the people who will be surprised or shocked or even devastated. Unfortunately, these form the majority which is only human and it is for them that I want to be of some help in getting their life back together. After all, this is definitely not the end of the world. One of the first and most important things you need is a different mindset: just see your dismissal as a challenge. Why not take this opportunity and try change your live for the better? Find a better boss/job or be your own boss and start your own (internet) company.

Read on and I will explain what to do when you become unemployed, giving you several opportunities.

The opportunities

1) File for unemployment

In many cases you can get paid through the state after getting fired, while you’re looking for a new job. If your company didn’t have a good reason for firing you and/or didn’t document that reason well, you can apply for and receive unemployment compensation. By the way, when you are laid-off as a redundancy, there should be a severance package.find a new job

2) Find a new Job

You can get busy the day after getting fired, looking for a new job. See more details below.

3) Be your own Boss

It is never too late to be your own boss in this internet age. Literally everybody has this chance! Further on I will expand about starting your own internet business in a scam free and economical way and you can work from home!

The stages of Job Loss you might go through:

Reading this chapter might help you recognize what you will be going through and in what stage you might be in. My advice: don’t let these stages last too long, do not take it personal and be sure to accept your lay-off soonest, so that you can become a winner.

Disbelief
Everyone is shocked when they are told that they have lost their job. Regardless of your performance and whether you were fired, laid off, downsized or your employer went out of business, it hurts! There is a sense of disbelief. You’ll ask, “Why me?”

Interestingly, most people are not terminated for performance. They lose their jobs for one of two reasons:
1. They don’t get along with the other people in their organisation, especially bosses, or
2. They are downsized with many others in their department and throughout the company. There may be little anyone can do about these two situations.

Anger
avoid showing angerDisbelief quickly gives way to anger. Someone has taken away your income and your security. Losing your job hurts and makes you angry. Terminations are especially difficult when you have family obligations, medical expenses, few financial resources, no severance pay and little chance for quick reemployment. In this case option 3 mentioned above might be your way out of misery.

Mourning
You will mourn the loss of your job. That’s normal. However, don’t get stuck at this stage. If you do get stuck, it will hold you back. That’s not good and here is why.

People lose their jobs all of the time, through no fault of their own. However, when it affects you, it is personal and it hurts. The best approach is to stop feeling sorry for yourself, accept your situation, mobilize your resources, apply for unemployment, get started with your job search and become a bit more flexible in your job requirements.

Or take a good look at your self and say, why did you stick around anyway waiting for your hostile boss to send you packing? You realized that you had been under a kind of spell, the way most working people are. You figured that you had a job and you’d play it out. Walking out of an unsuitable job is an act of strength, not weakness!

Acceptance
Don’t engage in self pity. It’s a waste of time. Pick yourself up and get started with your job search. The faster you get started, the better. If you lost your job because of your performance or your attitude, you must recognize the facts and take steps to improve.

Finding a new job (which I did two times)

You do not need to wait for anything, you can just start working on below actions immediately after you got kicked- out:

  • Make up your mind (winner or loser)
  • Update your resume
  • Assess your capabilities and experience
  • Sell the contributions you’ve made, not just your job dutiesfinding new job
  • (Re)establish your network
  • Investigate job search websites
  • Find job recruiters
  • Research potential employers

Then be sure to work at your job search the whole day, seven days a week, no matter how long it takes, until you land your next job. Since there is no telling how long that will take, conserve your resources. Accept help from wherever you can get it. When times are tough, everyone must pull together.

Reemployment
When you do find a new job, never badmouth your last employer. Your new employer has hired you to do your job in a way that will contribute to the success of their organization. They want you to be positive, hard working and effective in getting things done. Since teamwork is expected, they also want you to get along well with the other employees.

When you become a well liked and well respected member of your new organization, you are helping your career and doing everything you can to prevent your future termination.

What I finally did: Start an internet business career and become my own boss

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I would be very much interested to hear your views and opinions and you are welcome to share your experiences on this site. I will support you where I can and usually reply within 24 hours.